This is the nineteenth issue of my free newsletter. Your feedback is most welcome!
The autumnal Equinox is here: the time when day and night are equal in length, thus a time of balance. We pause to observe the turning of the season, and ask ourselves what is in need of greater balance in our lives. The light and dark signify yin and yang, masculine and feminine; what other pairs of opposites do we need to balance? Work and play, fast and slow, shared time/alone time, talking and silence… The west, direction of sunset and shadow, is traditionally associated with the autumn, and its symbol in the Native American Medicine Wheel is the grizzly bear. Bear’s gifts are introspection and the strength that comes from looking within, facing the shadow without fear. Like many people, I usually run from the shadow aspects I encounter. Robert Bly reminds us that we must embrace the shadow in order to be whole.
What does that mean? Whatever we don’t own in ourselves, we project out onto other people and then judge as bad or wrong. In community, it’s a little harder to avoid seeing my shadow. I’ve had a person yell at me with vehemence that I must not lead a meeting, or even co-lead it, because I was not capable and would destroy the community. Suddenly I realized that she sounded a lot like the inner critic in my head that says, “You can’t do that, you’re not good enough, nobody wants your contribution!” With help from some of my friends here, who assured me that indeed I am capable, I went ahead and co-facilitated that meeting and the sky did not fall. It came to me that when I can stand up to my own inner critic, and stop believing its attacks, I won’t need to manifest other people putting me down. And I’m planning to facilitate a full Council meeting in October!
My partner and I took a few days off to say goodbye to summer, spending time in these beautiful mountains. It helps my sense of balance to get out of the little valley where Earthaven is, even though it’s at 2000 feet, and get higher where we can see a broader vista. Camped at 6000 feet, we were among shifting clouds which drenched the grass. Sometimes we could see the sunlight shining through in spots where the cloud was thinner, like varying levels of unconsciousness. I reflect on how I go in and out of the fog of denial into the clear light of awareness, concerning my relationship with the natural world. When I go see a film like “Winged Migration” (highly recommended!) I feel the crucial importance of protecting habitat, like wetlands for the birds; I grieve over birds suffering from oil spills and pollution. Then I get into a fossil-fueled car to go on vacation. We traveled to Joyce Kilmer Memorial Forest, one of the only old-growth forests remaining in the eastern U.S. Although a 300-year-old poplar may not be as impressive in size as a giant redwood or sequoia on the west coast, we felt the powerful energy of these elders. I offered Reiki and gratitude, and sang to the trees. My partner recalled a scene from his childhood, when he climbed up into a crabapple tree at the age of five and suddenly realized that the tree was alive, giggling with delight and talking to the tree, and feeling the tree’s joyful response.
Outside of parklands, so many streams are silted or polluted. The streams that flowed from the old-growth forest had a clarity that I’ve rarely ever seen; sadly, the Santeetlah river was flowing into a manmade, dammed lake which was around 20 feet below normal due to hydro-electric power use.
Now is the time when everything in nature shifts from the summer mode of rapid growth and expansion to strengthening and consolidating for the colder months ahead. Leaves begin to fall and mulch the ground to protect the seeds below for next spring. It is a time to let go of what no longer serves us, and perhaps to compost it (letting all our metaphors come from permaculture). It’s also time to harvest abundant string beans, winter squash, and the last of the tomatoes in my own garden. Taking stock of what else I am harvesting, I feel glad about deepening levels of trust with several community members, and a more comfortable home (with a beautiful, tiled kitchen floor!) to live in this winter. I look forward to the Katuah bioregional gathering and the environmental education day-camp I’ve helped co-create, coming in October.
Blessings of the season to you. Please remember to slow down and look within, and give thanks for your harvest.
Cathy Holt
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